| Monday, February 25, 2008 |
| Cheating Spouse: Is Spying an Invasion of Privacy? |
Cheating Spouse: Is Spying an Invasion of Privacy?
by: Dr. Robert Huizenga
My, how the cheating spouse cries foul when he/she discovers you are spying.
Outrage can be intense: “How dare you!! I never thought you would stoop to that! How could you!? How can there be trust in this relationship if you do that? This is none of your business; I don’t spy and go behind your back! Now you know why I want to pull away from you. How could I love anyone that would do something like that to me?" On and on.
Cheating husbands and cheating wives usually will not admit the duplicity of their clandestine behavior. But you are made out to be the villain if you use detective work to discover the truth. It doesn’t make sense, but then again not much about infidelity borders close to sanity.
Are you a morally corrupt duplicitous character hell bent on destroying the integrity of a relationship through spying? No, of course not. The integrity of the relationship has been destroyed through the extramarital affair. The affair shattered the promises and mocked the vows that the two of you made.
You saw clearly the signs of a cheating spouse. The affair invaded the domain of your marriage and crumbled its protective boundaries. The marital infidelity broke the contract of the marriage; it was the act of betrayal. Spying does not damage the marriage. It is an attempt to seek the truth and resolve the pain and deception.
Spying is often used to grasp the reality of the situation. It’s intent is to find the truth. Only the truth can provide a foundation from which to begin resolving the hurt, pain and forging a direction for the marriage and enable each person in the marriage to attain health and sanity.
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Dr. Robert Huizenga, The Infidelity Coach, has helped hundreds of couples over the past two decades heal from the agony of extramarital affairs and survive infidelity. Visit his website at: http://www.break-free-from-the-affair.com
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posted by Beebee @ 7:11 AM  |
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| Monday, February 18, 2008 |
| Extramarital Affairs: When Sexual Addiction and Infidelity Meet |
Extramarital Affairs: When Sexual Addiction and Infidelity Meet
by: Dr. Robert Huizenga
One kind of extramarital affair revolves around sexual addiction. The partner involved in the affair, plain and simple, has a difficult time saying "NO." He/she may want to, but feels compelled to say "yes."
People can’t say no? Well, I believe we all have the capacity, at some level, to say no. However, not all have developed that capacity or reached that level to firmly say no and mean it.
Some are “stuck” and seem to lack the ability to consistently act on the “no.” Please remember that all of us are “grabbed” by something and find it difficult to let go. Infidelity when connected to sexual addiction and its many forms, however, becomes a powerful focal point.
How to know if infidelity is attached to sexual addiction:
1. Sex takes on an inflated role or value. Sex, sexual conquest, sexual release becomes a powerful force. Acting on the sexual impulse is a frequent activity. Thinking about sex likewise consumes an inordinate amount of time. Multiple ways of acting out sexually (porn, strip clubs, multiple sex partners, etc.) are common.
2. This activity is bound by fear. The person lives with fear: the fear of getting caught, the fear of consequences, the fear of “being found out,” the fear of being abnormal, the fear of being punished, and the fear of losing family, spouse, job and respect.
3. A promise/failure cycle ebbs and flows with the inability to say no. After an “acting out” episode the person usually experiences guilt/fear and promises to self or others, “I won’t do it again.” This will last...until the “urge” is acted upon again. The spouse may be aware or unaware (but sense that something is not “right”) of the “roller coaster” and succession of broken promises.
4. Others are used or seen as objects for personal gratification. No true intimacy is developed.
5. Sexuality is often confused with other needs or connected to unresolved past pain or trauma. A child who experiences confusion around sexuality or sexual abuse of one form or another, may carry along that confusion and attempt to “work that through” in a marriage or extramarital affairs. (I worked with one woman who “used” a one-night fling with a significant person to “clear up” a particular issue.) She was free of that “urge” from that point on. No one ever knew. Could she have chosen a different way? Maybe.
6. Such a person lives in a distorted world. They come to see the world and relationship through the eyes of their “addiction.” They have a great capacity to rationalize their behavior, deceive others and may lead a “dual” life.
Tip: If you suspect these characteristics fit you or someone you love, get some help before your world disintegrates further or falls apart. Life can be different. Life, sexuality, a truly intimate relationship IS different. You can get there. You are stuck, and need some true love, care and guidance to arrive at the next level.
If you are interested in learning about the 6 other forms of infidelity I outline in my book, "Break Free From the Affair," visit my website.
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Dr. Robert Huizenga, The Infidelity Coach, has helped hundreds of couples over the past two decades heal from the agony of extramarital affairs and survive infidelity. Visit his website at: http://www.break-free-from-the-affair.com
####################Labels: Extramarital Affairs |
| posted by Beebee @ 6:37 AM |
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| Friday, February 8, 2008 |
| 7 Reasons Why Diamonds Are Still A Girl's Best Friend |
7 Reasons Why Diamonds Are Still A Girl's Best Friend
by: Janice Wee
Marilyn Monroe made that phrase famous. Diamonds are a girl's best friend. That still makes a lot of sense. Here's why.
Reason #1 diamonds are a girls best friend because they are so beautiful. Fiery, romantic diamonds light up her finger. White diamonds look beautiful with outfits in every color.
Reason #2 diamonds are forever. There are lots of beautiful things around. Why diamonds? Roses are beautiful, but they fade. Dresses are gorgeous, but after childbirth, or as she ages, that beautiful dress would not look as beautiful on her anymore.
Reason #3 diamonds are precious. Sure, moissanite may be what a girl might buy for herself, because of its lower price, but moissanite is man made. Diamonds are rare, natural stones. The diamonds that girls love are of the highest quality. The lower grade diamonds may be used in tools, but women look at the quality of the diamond. A large, high quality diamond would definitely impress.
Reason #4 diamonds are romantic. Especially when he is proposing to her with a diamond worth two months of his salary. It means sacrifice for love on his part. The fact that he loves her enough to save that sum to buy that diamond for her is a very romantic gesture that she will remember for years to come, each time she sees that diamond on her finger.
Reason #5 diamonds say that her man can provide for her very well. From the days when men would go out and hunt for animals to feed the family, to today, when most men go out there to bring in the money to support the family, women love being cared for. Being provided for. In many cultures, women look to marry a rich man. A man who can provide for them. If a guy can afford to give her diamonds, he can easily provide for her daily needs and for that of her children.
Reason #6 diamonds are practical. Like the song, diamond's are a girl's best friend. A kiss will not pay the bills. A rose isn't going to pay for her rental. A diamond, on the other hand, in times of emergency, can be a life saver. A single diamond can be sold for enough money to pay for a woman's bills when times get tough.
Reason #7 diamonds are a girl's insurance. Ok, so now, there are insurance policies in paper, that promise to pay for her old age medical bills etc, but diamonds are a lot more beautiful. She holds and sees them. She wears them. Everyone admires them. They assure her that even when she gets old, when she loses her looks, even if her guy leaves her for a younger woman, the diamonds would still be with her. A collection of diamond jewelry assures her that in her old age, or she is in dire need for cash, a piece of diamond jewelry could be sold, or pawned for much needed cash. Diamonds are a girl's insurance.
The writer is the webmaster of Buy Diamonds which gives you tips on how to get the best diamond within your budget.
The writer is the webmaster of Kitchen which helps you find your kitchen essentials online, easily.Labels: Diamonds |
| posted by Beebee @ 3:03 AM |
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